My beautiful butterfly girl is finally free. She is in the arms of her creator, totally healed, surrounded by love, peace and serenity. She no longer suffers.
The belief in the above comforts me while walking through the grief of the murder of my former sponsee in New Jersey. They found her body Saturday; she died of stab wounds to the neck.
A beautiful 27 year old girl, who was truly beautiful inside and out. The short time that God put her in my life and I was privileged to work with her, she had experienced actual joyful moments in sobriety. Her decision to pick up after a year has resulted in what she herself said would come to be, her death.
So many people loved her, and she touched so many lives. She will be missed tremendously.
I take comfort knowing she did not die alone; God was there with her to take her home. She is in the most awesome place, and I know she is finally free....finally happy.
I love you Angela and I will never forget you.
You were so much more to me than a sponsee. You were like the daughter I never had and you were a wonderful friend.
I am so excited! I have gone shopping and purchased new Christmas ornaments (I gave my oldest son all of mine before I moved, except for a few "special ones"), and bought new lights, and we are going to get a real tree! I have not had a Christmas tree since 2002, and I cannot wait!
I put up my beautiful manger set, set out all my Angels and snowman, and it's "beginning to look a lot like Christmas"! I tell you it is very strange preparing for the Holiday when it is in the 70's, but I love it!
I work from home, and I am sitting here listening to my Christmas playlist, and I tell you, it doesn't get any better than this! :-)
My youngest may be coming down with his girlfriend, if her mother allows. I have given that one up to God and am working hard on not having any expectations. I may not see any of my children this year. Acceptance is the key....
All in all, life is wonderful, and I am very grateful to God for my sobriety and my serenity.
Hello everyone! I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
I had the opportunity to spend Thanksgiving with my family. Mom, Dad, sisters Robin & Tracey, and brother Doug.
I had a wonderful time, despite the mini melodramas that unfolded around me. Mainly consisting of my two sisters and mother. As I watched the dramas unfold, I could see how their behaviors used to be mine. I was so grateful that isn't me anymore! The expectations, illusions of control, the victim roles, the pity pot, so on and so forth. I am so grateful to God that today I have a program, and am able to detach from all of that, keeping my serenity intact!
I continued to do as I have always done. Woke up in the a.m. sliding to my knees. Reading my daily meditations. Doing the next right thing. Amazing how that works!
I went to a jewelry class with Mom & sisters and made a beautiful bracelet. My sister Robin and I went to Shenandoah Caverns and saw the miraculous caves. My sister Tracey, my brother Doug and I went to a Murder Mystery Dinner. My sister Tracey, my brother Doug & I went horseback riding. That was a first for me - riding a horse by myself. When they asked if anyone was nervous, I did raise my hand! It was scary at times on that mountain trail, especially going downhill, but I survived it by God's grace & trusting in my horse, Willow. I even wore a helmet! LOL
Thanksgiving dinner was very bountiful - we are indeed very blessed.
I was grateful to get back home to the warmth and sunshine of Florida. Back to "normal"; working, meetings, cleaning, shopping, etc. I am beginning to prepare for Christmas. Will be decorating soon and must finish my shopping. Not looking forward to the crazy crowds. Working hard on not having expectations of any of my children coming down. The oldest with their baby definitely cannot; the middle-man-most likely not - hard to get that boy out of the woods hunting! - and my youngest - MAYBE - if his girlfriend's Mom will let her go with him as he has never flown before. So I have given that one to God and will accept whatever the outcome may be.
Detaching with Love. While working with my sponsee last night on her Fourth Step, this discussion came up. This is something I knew nothing about before coming into the program. My job was to fix everyone! Now I have the choice and the ability to "detach with love", "live and let live", and to "let go and let God". What a relief! That doesn't mean it is easy...it sure brings back the peace in my heart though. I guess it all comes down to the first step, acceptance and powerlessness.
I will get to practice "live and let live" the week of Thanksgiving. I am going to Virginia to a Resort my sister has with her time share, and will be spending 5 days with my family. Oooh boy, it's going to be interesting. My oldest sister is awesome. My brother, newly diagnosed with prostate cancer, the quiet one. My next sister, the control freak. My mother, drinks alcoholically and has ALL the character defects that go along with it. My father, bless his heart, the defiant one (toward my mother--what a surprise that is, huh?) Yep, it'll be interesting. I am arming myself with my God, my Big Book, my Life Recovery Bible, 24 hr book, Daily Reflections, AlAnon 24 hr book, and AlAnon Courage to Change.
I will have a wonderful time, because that is what I am choosing to do. What a concept...choosing misery or choosing happiness. I choose happiness!
