Went to pay my respects yesterday at Angelas funeral. I can't even begin to tell you how emotional and devestating that it was.
Apparently they still have not apprehended the murderer which makes it so much worse for the family.
A young life taken way too soon in a sensless act......it is sickening and heart wrenching.
Please say a prayer of peace and healing for her mother and her family.
It is so difficult to say goodbye, we are the wounded... the ones that are left, it is our sadness and grief that we need to come to terms with....she is at eternal peace and rest.
It is a sobering reminder of what can happen if we go back out...keeps it really green for me considering my relapse in December. I am so grateful that I got right back into the program......unfortunately for Angela she did not find her way back.
Man, I am gonna miss her so much, her light, her smile and her healing hugs.......
"The death of someone we know always reminds us that we are still alive - perhaps for some purpose which we ought to re-examine." ~Mignon McLaughlin
Angela had a very spiritual connection with butterflies and her Grandmother. Now the two of them are together and flying free.
I have recently had to set a boundary with a person in my life who is quite close to me, actually it is my husband. I don’t like this thing called boundaries because for some reason it makes me feel selfish and petty. After all we set the boundaries to protect our feelings and emotions from abuse and to be honest my role has always been to be the victim. I am not entirely comfortable with boundaries yet. It seems that through this controversy and difficulty with this person, it wouldn’t matter if I could talk my way out of a box the result is always the same. I do the talking and the other person is silent, withdrawn, sullen and a non participant in all of the conversations. I surmise that I am out of talk. There is no more to be said on the issue, I have said it all and I have taken action to back up my words with futility. Am I sad?....yes Am I broken hearted?...yes Am I exhausted?....yes Am I just sick and tired of being sick and tired?....yes I have worked hard on trying to correct my wrongs and do the next right thing and become a better person for my family and for the sake of society, so why do I feel as though I am being punished? So I have removed myself from the situation as best as possible. I can only work my program for myself and not for others, right? I suppose this is part of what the “powerlessness” over people, places and things including my addiction to alcohol encompasses. I don’t like it. It is sullen around here and there is literally no conversation between the two of us. I am leading a separate life even though we are under the same roof. This is not the ideal situation to be in and I feel completely rejected. It hurts, it really does hurt. Honestly I felt more accepted when I was a fall down drunk then I do being clean and sober. There is so much about sobriety that I hate, but I’ll keep coming back. Thanks for letting me share.
After 20 months clean and sober I started all over again on Dec. 28th 2009.
Today I have 60 days. My relapse was part of my journey and I have grown and learned so much from it.
Today I have a clearer understanding of what my program is all about and what I need to do to keep my feet where my head is at.
Noone is immune to this disease and I found out that I was not sprinkled with magic fairy dust or a protective shield.....it snuck in and grabbed me when I was at my weakest.
Instead of treating it like a show, I just show up. Meetings, connecting with fellowship and working with my sponsor. It truly is that simple for me.
By relapsing I did not loose the knowledge from my 20 months of sobriety I only added to the growth which was needed in order for me to continue.
Today I am sober and for that I am truly grateful.
