I have been thinking a lot of the meaning of Christmas(and all of the holidays).
This year we are so tight on money(as are so many others). This year has been in no way wrapped up in shopping/buying...mostly I have been making things. I just hope it is all ok for the kids.
We are going to drive to Michigan again for the holidays this year(first Christmas since Bruce's father's suicide this summer). I am nervous, but at the same time, I know the kids will add a lot of chaos and life to what could be a pretty dreary holiday for bruce and his 2 sisters and brother. My kids are the only grandkids...so off we go. I just need to make sure to keep my prayers regular, and I will be ok.
I need to find some meetings in Kalamazoo! Haha the internet sure makes it easier though, huh! No excuses.
I have been feeling a lot better emotionally. I have been very busy with school and sick kids...but busy is not bad. I have been productive and really trying to better myself.
I love you guys. I hope you all do not forget how important we all are to each other. Online/not online...you all are my safety net, my sanity, my serenity. Thank you for always being there, for growing with me, and for your neverending support.
I think the bottom line is, I am just exhausted. I have that heavy feeling under my ribcage that usually preludes depression, but hopefully with a good night sleep I will avoid that road.
I am kind of just venting here right now. One of my biggest tools in the battle against depression is to talk about it...write about it. Let it out. If I keep it inside it can destroy me. Argh. I wish I could just snap out of it....haha yeah, if it were only that easy.
Maybe I will start exercising or something. NOW--eh, probably not now.
I just want to wish you all a very happy, safe Thanksgiving holiday.
I recently celebrated my year anniversary. It was kind of a difficult moment for me at first...coming back after a relapse, that year mark just felt kind of....anti climatic or something. But I have written a lot in my journal around it, and am left with overwhelming gratitude.
I know that some do not come back. I know how much hard work I had to do to get to this point. If anything, quitting this time around was just as emotionally wrenching and tough(and in many ways so much more difficult). Looking at my life today, I am very touched by gratitude.
Many of you on this site have been very instrumental in my recovery. We have been through a lot together. Be it "just" the internet, or as I think of it, just a useful and viable form of recovery--I know my path would have been very different if you all had not been in my life. I owe you all a lot of thanks. I hope you feel that I am here for you too. I care deeply.
Happy Thanksgiving. If things get tough today, I will be online throughout the day(doing schoolwork...but I will be checking in on my sober friends as well).
Hello everyone. Well, I feel like I have been neglecting my online recovery. Change...it is tough for me, as for anyone(especially alcoholics I think). I love my comfort zone, and all of the sudden everything changed, and Carson made this wonderful site. I just have to start using it. I really depended on online recovery as my daily dose of sanity, and would go to the meetings on the weekends. I still love my weekend meetings, but I really need recovery everday.
So, I am going to start logging in more.
I am on the computer a lot these days, getting my masters degree at University of phoenix online in elementary education. It is A LOT of work, especially with juggling the kids, the house, the disgruntled partner(we are always in a state of almost splitting up...waiting for a shoe to drop. It is so annoying it is almost humorous). The good news is that I am learning a ton. I was really ready to go back to school.
Ok, just was checking in, and making a renewed commitment to start getting more focused on this. I know from experience that I cannot let my recovery program go, or everything else will become unmanageable. Life lessons.
Funny, feels like home here. I feel like I already "know" everyone who is a member of this site, and those I do not know well, I look forward to getting to know better.
I have been running around a little crazy, trying to set a routine for myself. My mother in law got her yesterday, my car broke down the beginning of the week(never fear, chitty chitty bang bang is back on the road, with a little less bang bang), I started online classes for my masters degree on Tuesday(already feel behind...hope I do not feel behind for the next 23 months), and Halloween with a 4 and a 5 year old.
Halloween with a 4 and 5 year old. Need I say more??? Did I ever mention I am a candy freak?
I just need to breathe, accept each challenge that comes my way(one moment at a time)and make sure I remember to pray, remain thankful, and keep my recovery(and sense of humor)going strong.
I will become more involved here soon. I have been browsing around...it takes me a little while to figure stuff out(you shud see me on facebook(which I have figured out I think)and on University of Phoenix(not quite sure of that yet!).
