"You can't pick and choose which parts of the program to follow. You won't make it." --my in-patient treatment counselor/recovering addict
Hello everyone,
It's been since early December since I've spent time on recovery websites, so I apologize for not shooting out a note when I returned from rehab back in January. After completing in-patient treatment, however, much of my time was spent working on recovery with those near me through a month of out-patient treatment and through the AA program. I'm not sure how often I'll be visiting recovery websites due to keeping busy with AA and other aspects of life, though I'll definitely try to add here and there in the future.
I wish I could sum up all I learned in treatment, since my in-patient was probably the best thing that happened in my life. For those who don't remember much about me or don't know me at all, I'm a recent college grad female and I spent November in an out-patient program, a month in an in-patient program (during Christmas and New Years), and then as a release plan I returned to a month of an out-patient program.
I did NOT want to go into out-patient or in-patient back in November, that's for sure. My basic choice that I saw at the time was either I had to move out or enter rehab, so figured I'd make it through rehab and continue on with my life. These counselors and therapists are going to tell me how to feel better about myself? Yeah RIGHT! I think I realized I needed to make some major changes only after I ended up with alcohol poisoning following a month of out-patient; realized change was necessary since I still wanted to drink. How messed up, I thought, though how similar to stories in the Big Book and to what AA members had been trying to explain to me all along. I was physically and mentally exhausted, but still it took me about 2 weeks into in-patient to be able to honestly understand and do Step 1.
I know that what was important for me in starting to change my thinking were numerous factors having to do with my in-patient residence. Most importantly for me was to be physically removed from any opportunity to drink. Once the obsessive thoughts died down a bit with the realization that even if I started the relapse process, I'd have to actually leave the program and be without a place to live in order to drink, I could focus on working on myself. The entire negative way of thinking about myself and life that led me to try to blot out those thoughts with alcohol had to change in order to keep me from relapsing.
Another huge help for me was that my counselors were in recovery themselves. This is a personal preference, but just like in AA, getting advice and help from someone who has the same thought processes and disease as myself led me to trust that they knew what was best for me.
TELLING ON MYSELF became a regular part of the in-patient day. A couple of my friends and I made a pact to mention to each other if we thought too long about drinking and would fess up in group therapy to cravings. Instead of starting the relapse process, we could let go of those thoughts and move on.
Anyways, these are just a few major things that were important in my rehab experience. It became apparent early on that rehab and AA weren't/aren't just about stopping drinking, they are important for making my life better. I'm slowly but surely becoming comfortable with being alone with the thoughts in my head, though I understand this is a lifelong growth process.
Whew, it's nice to write again (and not just in my journal!) and share a bit. I hope everyone is doing well and has a wonderful weekend!
Best,
Margaret