In case your wondering where I have been and what I have been up to ....
I found a couple new on-mine meeting /chat sites....
I had went to my normal meeting (the noon at SC) and was told that it was gonna be a 'live chat/webcam' meeting instead of the text I am used to. Now - if I was not at work ......I would be able to participate in a "microphone meeting" - but then again ....if I was not at work - I would be at a REAL f2f meeting. (which I am at 4 to 6 times a week in my non work hours) I only use the Internet forum - during my work hours...as a way to stay connected to you ....my family members - to share and hear "ES and H" (experience strength and hope) - or to perhaps say that one thing that keeps you from taking that drink(or using the dope) today- I do it to help ME as much as I do it for others. I figure if I'm on line all day anyhow ,,,might as well.
The economy is horrible - and my personal finances are in shambles , BUT I know god will provide (as long as I do the legwork)
Here's the info in case your interested...
This one I found is a direct derivative of the official AA site -
Both have specific timed meetings and many meetings to choose from....I was at one Friday with about 65 other recovering peeps - It was WONderful - they also have 24 hours chat , and I have found nothing but healthy people there ,talking recovery (can I hear a amen)
Anyhow - You are always in my prayers ,,,,,and if you wanna say hi anytime (daytime) M-F ....I am still "hondagal64" - look me up !
I still will occasionally check my old pages for messages.
Hello Family - Carrie Anne here , alkie /addict I am here by the grace of god , with your help. You see, I could not have done this on my own - been there , done that - I own the souvineer t-shirt. It says "Loser" !! (lol) I am celebrating at my home group this evening ....going out for cake after (Big Boy, yum) ...and every year , they always ask,,,you known -the familier chant " How did you do that " ??? (speach -speach) I did it .....On purpose ! I did not just suit up and show up ....(although -that is, a part of it) , I participated. I reached out - every day ....I worked like a banshee and did things I really did not want to , or have the time for. But I knew in the end ....the payoff would be tremendous. When the going got tough .....I got on my knee's. I did not hide -or sit and feel sorry for myself ,,, I knew using would not get me anywhere, I have not been before, I played the perverbeal "tape" all the way though. I worked the steps and practiced the principles to best of my ability. Every year I stand before my 100+ peeps (our average meeting is 125 strong) and I breakdown in tears (wooosie- woosie- woosie) and I stammer and stutter, everything I had prepared in my mind ....just zoomed outta my left ear, and I make something up on the fly. I am much better a speaker, typing! So ....in closing , I pray that whomever reads this , keeps coming back. AA/NA will get you ...long before you get it- so just grab on , and hold on tight - get a sponsor and do what you're told- Have faith in that higher power, take what you need -and leave the rest. Apply all catch phases to your everyday life ....and I promise you, You will never be alone.
Love and light .... Carrie Anne January 23, 2009
Daily Reflections
HAVING FUN YET? . . . we aren't a glum lot. If newcomers could see no joy or fun in our existence, they wouldn't want it. We absolutely insist on enjoying life. We try not to indulge in cynicism over the state of the nations, nor do we carry the world's troubles on our shoulders. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS , p. 132 When my own house is in order, I find the different parts of my life are more manageable. Stripped from the guilt and remorse that clocked my drinking years, I am free to assume my proper role in the universe, but this condition requires maintenance. I should stop and ask myself, Am I having fun yet? If I find answering that question difficult or painful, perhaps I'm taking myself too seriously - and finding it difficult to admit that I've strayed from my practice of working the program to keep my house in order. I think the pain I experience is one way my Higher Power has to get my attention, coaxing me to take stock of my performance. The slight time and effort it takes to work the program - a spot-check inventory, for example, or the making of amends, whatever is appropriate - are well worth the effort.
A.A. Thought For The Day Alcoholics are people whose drinking got them into a "blind alley." They haven't been able to learn anything from their drinking experiences. They are always making the same mistakes and suffering the same consequences over and over again. They refuse to admit they're alcoholic. They still think they can handle the stuff. They won't swallow their pride and admit that they're different from ordinary drinkers. They won't face the fact that they must spend the rest of their lives without liquor. They can't visualize life without ever taking a drink. Am I out of this blind alley? Meditation For The Day I believe that God has all power. It is His to give and His to withhold. But He will not withhold it from the person who dwells near Him, because then it passes insensibly from God to that person. It is breathed in by the person who lives in God's presence. I will learn to live in God's presence and then I will have those things which I desire of Him: strength, power, and joy. God's power is available to all who need it and are willing to accept it. Prayer For The Day I pray that I may get myself out of the way, so that God's power may flow in. I pray that I may surrender myself to that power.
Worshipers All, p. 23 We found that we had indeed been worshipers. What a state of mental goose flesh that used to bring on! Had we not variously worshiped people, sentiment, things, money, and ourselves? And then, with a better motive, had we not worshipfully beheld the sunset, the sea, or a flower? Who of us had not loved something or somebody? Were these not things the tissue out of which our lives were constructed? Did not these feelings, after all, determine the course of our existence? It was impossible to say we had no capacity for faith, or love, or worship. In one form or another, we had been living by faith and little else. Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 54
Raising self-esteem Although there may have been conceit and cockiness in our past behavior, most of us suffered from feelings of low self-esteem. We often felt alone and unworthy. Often, we had memories of parents and others who reminded us of our shortcomings or compared us unfavorably with others. Whatever our past problems, we can raise our self-esteem in the present. We can begin by forgiving ourselves and others for past wrongs and mistakes. We must become willing to give up any belief or practice that causes us to dislike ourselves. We can remember that our self-esteem does not depend on achievements or on winning in competitions with others. Despite our failings, now and in the past, we are worthy in the sight of God and are entitled to God's grace. Growth in the program usually brings growth in self-esteem. If we think well of ourselves, in the right sense, others will tend to think well of us, too. With proper self-esteem, we will not be crushed or dismayed when someone seems to dislike us. Our feelings about ourselves will be much more than a mirror of others' opinions. I will think well of myself today, I will not put myself down, even jokingly. I will know that if God is for me, no one can be against me.
Sex, like all else between human beings, is never prefect. --- Theodore Isaac Rubin Addiction made our sex lives a mess. Maybe we wanted prefect sex or we wanted no sex. We were afraid. Maybe we wanted a high from sex we just couldn't seem to get it. Some of us had lots of sex partners; some of us had none. What now? We're doing what we need to do by being in recovery. We're getting to know ourselves. We're living by our real values. We're being honest with ourselves and others. We're learning to love and care about others. It's open, honest caring we express with our bodies. Thus, sex can be trusting and safe. Prayer for the Day: Higher Power, I turn over my sex life and my will to You---Just for today. I know You want me to be happy. Action for the Day: What do I believe about sex? How does it match with what's said in the third paragraph above?
In some circumstances we have gone out deliberately to get drunk, feeling ourselves justified by nervousness, anger, worry, depression, jealousy or the like. But even in this type of beginning we are obliged to admit that our justification for a spree was insanely insufficient in the light of what always happened. We now see that when we began to drink deliberately, instead or casually, there was little serious or effective thought during the period of premeditation of what the terrific consequences might be.
Step Three - "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him." When World War II broke out, this spiritual principle had its first major test. A.A.'s entered the services and were scattered all over the world. Would they be able to take discipline, stand up under fire, and endure the monotony and misery of war? Would the kind of dependence they had learned in A.A. carry them through? Well, it did. They had even fewer alcoholic lapses or emotional binges than A.A.'s safe at home did. They were just as capable of endurance and valor as any other soldiers. Whether in Alaska or on the Salerno beachhead, their dependence upon a Higher Power worked. And far from being a weakness, this dependence was their chief source of strength. pp. 38-39
I touch my feelings, knowing, I have never been so free, I have never been so happy, sobriety, has changed me. --Shelley There is a guidance for each of us, and by lowly listening we shall hear the right word... Place yourself in the middle of the stream of power and wisdom which flows into your life. Then, without effort, you are impelled to truth and perfect contentment. --Ralph Waldo Emerson Look for the beauty inside of each person. --I. June Stephenson The God who calls us into the unknown travels with us. --Robert W. Rae Spiritual vision means
SLEEP "Sleep that knots up the raveled sleeve of care." -- William Shakespeare When I was new in my recovery from alcoholism I was told to remember the letters H.A.L.T.: Do not get too: Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired. Sleep is something my body needs, and even if I do not always know it, my body does. The tiredness in my body is telling me to slow down. Sleep is part of my spiritual program because it enables me to feel rested, invigorated and alive. Through sleep I am able to be creative and positive in my life --- showing a practical love to my body. Sleep is me taking care of self! Thank You for the joy and rest that comes with sleep.
"But I will hope continually, and will praise you yet more and more."
Psalm 71:14 Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3 Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom. The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made. The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down. The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. The LORD watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy. Psalm 141:3,8,9,13,14,17,18,20
Daily Inspiration Shine a little brighter today because someone needs your light. Lord, may I reflect You like sun hitting a mirror. If you are not happy with what you have, how will you be happy with what you want to have? Lord, may I appreciate the good things in my life and refuse to feel sorry for myself or compare myself to others.
Things are grim in my little automotive world ......
I am too busy living in the solution to care. I am far too happy to let the small stuff get ME down. (kinda weird actually-lol) I am talking w/my best friends brother tomorrow afternoon about my financial future....it is pretty grim from where I stand. (He's a debt collector w/15yrs sober for the corporate-real world ,but a financial adviser in his spare time. I am not hiding my head in the sand any longer , I know when I have to surrender today, and ask for help....and yes ,,,things could be much worse.
BUT, on the bright side I saw a rainbow this morning on the way to work. Now .......I have always seen rainbows - usually before, or after a storm - In slightly warmer weather ..... (we have not had new snow in two whole days -yippee) SO when I saw it on M-59E this morning @ appx 8:45am - I had to take a double take ....Took prescription glasses off .....looked ,,,,,yep -still there - not an illusion ,,,,,put them back on - and thanked God for that moment of hope. You see , where I was driving - there was no storm- no rain, no snow. In fact it was the coldest morning on record here in Michigan -ever (12 below -w/wind-chills at -35 ) ....AND the brightest sunny day I have seen in quite some time. The kind of day when the untouched snow on the side of the road is almost glittery - and the crystals gleam so brightly when the sun touches it - it almost blinds you. I was almost in tears at this Obvious message from God ONLY for me to see. It was "a spiritual awaking" of the best kind, a " AH-HA" moment. When I got to work ......all nice and toasty from my heated seats and my working heater - I was sooooo emotional , and grateful for the blessings God has let me enjoy in my life time .....I was literally singing out loud ,my joy- singing at the top of my lungs ....almost dancing as I shed my layers of sweaters,boots and extra socks. At this point my co-workers were laughing at me for acting "so giddy". My terrible singing voice was disturbing their morning quiet, But I kept singing ,not really caring what they they thought. HOW dare I be so damm perky THIS early in the morning?! While I was in the lunchroom toasting my cinnamon raisin bread (got it on sale -half price ,,,I would never pay ...even if I WAS making actually getting a paycheck today, 3$ for a loaf of bread)- I struck up a conversation with my business manager Matt ....and was sharing MY rainbow story .....and it was then, when I found out .....It was not MINE alone. He saw it too, on I94 , on his way in .............. You see - it really was not ALL mine, as I thought ,,,,God shared this majestic -unexpected ,,,almost weird phenomenon of beauty, with any who happened to be looking to the sky - at THAT very moment.
We all needed/and still need that hope here in Michigan -and I am glad that God showed up this morn, to share that unconditional love. Be thankful for the little things today- and when it looks the bleakest, and you simply feel like giving up.......take a peak in the sky every now and again.
Have a great weekend !
Carrie Anne
* I started simply writing this to my immediate family of friends.....but , The more I typed -I thought to my self ......"self" It would selfish of you not to share this to NOT share this with your Sober Circle/ Sober-Space family. I hope you get as much out of it ....as I did.
How to Stay Awake in AA?NA Meetings - A Public Service Announcement
(MUCH MORE FUN than simply taking other another members inventory)
Do you keep falling asleep in meetings? What about those long and boring drunkalogs? Here is a way to change all that...
1. Before (or during) your next meeting, prepare yourself by drawing a square. I find that a 5" x5" is a good size.
Divide the card into columns-five across and five down. That will give you 25 one-inch blocks.
2. Write one of the following word/phrases in each block: Such as:
Issues Inner-child living Amends Meaningful Relationship Slip I'm Stuck On Step __ I Couldn't Find A Meeting My Sponsor Has Been Out Of Town Can't Won't Yeah But But Don't You Think Misunderstood Never Rational Recovery Recovering Person Searching (as in for answers) Waiting For God to Answer...... Huh Gonna (sometimes prefaced with: "I'm") Been thinking (sometimes prefaced with: "I've") She/He said Dysfunctional I heard Rage I don't know much about this, but... Ya know Overall Scheme Of Things
3. Check off the appropriate block when you hear one of those words? phrases.
4. When you get five blocks horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, stand up and shout "BULLSHIT!"
TESTIMONIALS FROM SATISFIED "AA BULLSHIT BINGO" PLAYERS:
--"I had been in the meeting for only five minutes when I won." Adam W., Atlanta --"My attention span at meetings has improved dramatically." David T., Tampa --"What a gas! Meetings will never be the same for me after my first win." Dan J., NY City --"The atmosphere was tense in the last "Honesty" meeting as 14 of us waited for the fifth box. Ben G., Denver --"The speaker was stunned as eight of us screamed "BULLSHIT" for the third time in 20 minut e s."
God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and Wisdom to know the difference. Thy will, not mine, be done.
January 8, 2009
Daily Reflections
DO I HAVE A CHOICE?
The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically nonexistent. ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p.24
My powerlessness over alcohol does not cease when I quit drinking. In sobriety I still have no choice - I can't drink. The choice I do have is to pick up and use the "kit of spiritual tools" (Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 25). When I do that, my Higher Power relieves me of my lack of choice - and keeps me sober one more day. If I could choose not to pick up a drink today, where then would
Everyone who comes into A.A. knows from bitter experience that he or she can't drink. I know that drinking has been the cause of all my major troubles or has made them worse. Now that I have found a way out, I will hang on to A.A. with both hands. Saint Paul once said that nothing in the world, neither powers nor principles, life nor death, could separate him from the love of God. Once I have given my drink problem to God, should anything in the world separate me from my sobriety?
Meditation For The Day
I know that my new life will not be immune from difficulties, but I will have peace even in difficulties. I know that serenity is the result of faithful, trusting acceptance of God's will, even in the midst of difficulties. Saint Paul said: "Our light afflictions, which are but for a moment, work for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory."
Prayer For The Day
I pray that I may welcome difficulties. I pray that they may test my strength and build my character.
Is sobriety all that we are to expect of a spiritual awakening? No, sobriety is only a bare beginning; it is only the first gift of the first awakening. If more gifts are to be received, our awakening has to go on. As it does go on, we find that bit by bit we can discard the old life--the one that did not work--for a new life that can and does work under any conditions whatever.
Regardless of worldly success or failure, regardless of pain or joy, regardless of sickness or health or even of death itself, a new life of endless possibilities can be lived if we are willing to continue our awakening, through the practice of A.A.'s Twelve Steps.
Finding New Values____Restoration Recovering alcoholics sometimes waste time and energy brooding over lost opportunities, and we do have a record of many lost opportunities! Bill W., the co-founder of AA, once made it big on Wall Street before crashing in the 1929 cataclysm. He later drank away two wonderful chances for a comeback. Most of us can recall similar opportunities we lost by drinking. We can eliminate these regrets by practicing gratitude for the recovery we have made. Without rationalizing, we can remind ourselves that few opportunities would have benefited us if we had continued to drink. We can take comfort, too, in the clear evidence that there's a wonderful restoration going on in our lives. While not every one gets aback a lost job or rebuilds a business, manly of us do find sufficient prosperity and productive work in our new lives. Some even find satisfying second careers or businesses after getting sober. Best of all, most recovering people discover that sobriety gives them the ability to appreciate their opportunities without worshipping material success. I will make the best of my opportunities today and see them as stepping stones toward a more abundant life. I will not regret the past, because it brought necessary lessons.
Believe more deeply. Hold your face up to the light, even though for the moment you do not see...Bill W. At times, we'll go through pain and hardship, At times, we'll have doubts. At times, we'll get angry and think we just don't care anymore. These things can spiritually blind us. But this normal. Hopefully, we'll be ready for those times. Hopefully, we will have friends who will be there for you. Thank God for these moments! Yes, hard times can make our spirits deep and strong. These moments tell us who we are as sober people. These moments help us grow and change. Spirituality is about choice. To be spiritual, we must turn ourselves over to the care of our Higher Power. Prayer for the Day: God, help me find You in my moments of blindness. This is when I really need You. Action for the Day: Today I'll get ready for the hard times ahead. I will list my friends who will be there for me.
Though there is no way of proving it, we believe that early in our drinking careers most of us could have stopped drinking. But the difficulty is that few alcoholics have enough desire to stop while there is yet time. We have heard of a few instances where people, who showed definite signs of alcoholism, were able to stop for a long period because of an overpowering desire to do so. Here is one.
Step Two - "Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity."
"As psychiatrists have often observed, defiance is the outstanding characteristic of many an alcoholic. So it's not strange that lots of us have had our day at defying God Himself. Sometimes it's because God has not delivered us the good things of life which we specified, as a greedy child makes an impossible list for Santa Claus. More often, though, we had met up with some major calamity, and to our way of thinking lost out because God deserted us. The girl we wanted to marry had other notions; we prayed God that she'd change her mind, but she didn't. We prayed for healthy children, and were presented with sick ones, or none at all. We prayed for promotions at business, and none came. Loved ones, upon whom we heartily depended, were taken from us by so-called acts of God. Then we became drunkards, and asked God to stop that. But nothing happened. This was the unkindest cut of all. 'Damn this faith business!' we said.
Dig within. There lies the wellspring of good: Ever dig and it will ever flow. --Marcus Aurelius
What are you going through in your life right now? Don't feel you're the only one. Open your eyes. Open your heart to your connections with your larger family. Let them share their stories with you. Let them share their strengths, hopes, fears, and joys. Stop looking for what's different and what makes you separate and apart. Go on an adventure of discovering your common bonds. --Melody Beattie
"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier. Be the living expression of God's kindness: kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile." --Mother Theresa
"Life is a great and wondrous mystery, and the only thing we know that we have for sure is what is right here right now. Don't miss it." --Leo Buscaglia
"Any fool can try to defend his mistakes--and most fools do--but it gives one a feeling of nobility to admit one's mistakes. By fighting, you never get enough, but by yielding, you get more than you expected." --Lawrence G. Lovasik
"I haven't understood a bar of music in my life, but I have felt it." -- Igor Stravinsky
It is okay not to "understand".
A miracle is not to be understood but experienced. So much in life we will never understand and there is growth in confusion. We are not perfect. We will never be perfect. The mystery of life is exactly that --- a mystery.
As an alcoholic I often sought to appear "as God". I had to have an answer for everything, even if I made up the answer! Not to know was humiliating for me because it took away control, my need to be in charge, my hopeless and exhausting quest for perfection. With the failure to be perfect came the guilt, shame and anger.
Today I am able to live with life's daily confusions --- and it's okay!
Smooth seas don't make skillful sailors. Lord, teach me as I am able to learn so that I may grow from my difficulites and become the person You intended.
Know that you can do even if things are not always easy. Lord, in You I have the support of an unlimited power source and can accomplish great things because You strengthen me.
Ask and you shall receive, Seek and ye shall find, Knock and it shall be opened unto you. Matthew 7:7
