Carrie Anne here - alkie /addict

It seems that with all the depressing news lately , (see newspaper-or TV if you just crawled out from under that rock) I have to work ....and I mean really  work at being happy joyous and free. Sure .....I have the t shirt and matching ball-cap - but REAlly living those simple 3 words (well 4 if you count the 'and') takes effort. I am doing what I need to do to 'live it' , but somehow -it just does not seem like enough lately. I have spent extra time in the morning doing my meditations - I call my normal '3 drunks a day' (my personal thing, I do to enhance and share my recovery), I upped my meetings (f2f) from 3 to 4 (a week not a month)..., Have continued my service work, ....and still do my appx 4 meetings on line, per week.......but with everything I do - it takes a actual effort just to smile and think positive thoughts. I get that SDD (seasonal depression disorder) and I have not found the time to fake bake in my local tan salon - so that is a major player in my mood ....But even when i was tanning last month - I am still finding myself "faking it" at times (that cheerful and happy attitude)just to function adequately in my daily activities. Now , mind you - it is not catastrophic by any any means ....this forced smile of mine - but the 'fake it til you make it' - or the 'act as if' has never  really worked well for me. Being in the car sales world ......I HAVE to be fricking happy - people will not buy a 30K minivan from a gal who's in a bad mood - they like HAPPY sales peep's ,that are willing to bend over frequently to earn their business. Sooooo- this thing I am going through is not only destructive to my inner peace and true sense of being - but it can be a deal breaker as well. With jobs so scarce -and the auto industry ready to collapse at any given moment (here in Michigan -80% of my customers are related to the big three in some way shape or form) (yes , I know it's Honda I work for - but everyone here in Michigan has something to do with the big 3 - believe it) I find myself on the low side of the happy scale. I know .......it could be soooooooo much worse , but putting on my happy face (insert inane grin) is just getting difficult. I do not want to use -or drink ,,,,and for this - I AM very blessed - but I want my inner "happy, joyous and free' back. I have done many gratitude list's - and have done serveral inventories - so please .......give me some credit, where credit is due (I am not new- i'm old-lol)  - I have /am doing what I have been taught ........but does anyone have any suggestions (other than the obvious) how to get my happy back ??? If you have no idea's or constructive thoughts- please feel free,  to join my pity party (joke) Let' be pissy together!

oh where oh where has my happy gone , oh where oh where can it be.....