Greetings my friends.

Aside from alcoholism I also have a medical disease and ever since I moved (month and a half ago? something like that.......) I have been having a difficult time managing my physical illness. Once we got all moved and settled I kept waiting to bounce back physically from all the stress and crap that goes along with moving.

But I never bounced back.  :( 

So of course my little alcoholic self wallowed in that for a while. Oh it was dramatic, I must say. I practically had the back of my hand pressed against my feverish forehead, mourning the woman I once was and feeling like an old hag whose best days are behind her.

And after laying it all out for my sponsor, my priest, my best friend, various Dr.s and medical personel we collectively came up with a treatment program that I had been resisting. Today is my first day on it and it feels great to feel like ME again.

The path of this illness took me by surprise as I was only formally diagnosed last June. I have yet to know what my limitations are but I'm learning. I'm so excited to go back to actively participating in my own life instead of having various friends bring Life TO me with visits.

I've always dealt with my alcoholism, then my recovery, emotional illnesses, etc. Head stuff, y'know? I just wasn't prepared for physical illness. And in some ways I have to admit that illness is illness is illness, to a wee extent. Alcoholismlupus......that's how I thought of myself and I tried to treat myself......the lupus....like I 'treat' my recovery everyday: Prayer, sponsorship, trying to be of service, etc. Great for my recovery but unfortunately not effective on da lupus!

I practically smashed my head against the wall though trying to make it work until I realized that one didn't have anything to do with the other. And like with my alcoholism and those oh-so-fun early days of recovery I realized that I had to surrender.....wave the ol' white flag.........and find a different set of tools for the lupus. Tailor-made, you might say. A truly 'ah-ha' moment (thanks, God).

The first thing I did when the pain subsided? Vacuumed!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I'm thinking about flying to Vegas this weekend to see Cher.......I forgot that there's a big world out there.....that there's life with lupus. And yes, I'm aware that this is NOT that kind of webiste and that this is a RECOVERY website but the triangle in our fellowship represents the humans we are: Mind, body, and spirit. And I don't know about YOU but when one of those things is out of whack in my life things tend to get a little uncomfortable for THIS alcoholic. Yuck-ness.

However for now I think, thanks to the help of my Dr.'s, we have this particular 'flare' under control for now. I think it was the very first real one I've had. Anyone familiar with The Spoon Theory will understand that not only did I only have a limited amount of spoons but mine had also been bent and dirty for the past month! ;)

It feels good to come back here and try to catch up with my lovely friends, read everyone's blogs and NOT think about myself and MY crap.

I'm even warming up to this new site as I navigate around.......    ;)    Thanks Annie and Cuppa!

Love, Jenn