Many times we are worn out from dealing with the storms of life. During these times of stress, we may think that putting more time and effort into solving the problem is the answer. But then we realize that “self reliance failed us” (BB). We see how limited our own resources are, and we know that only God can help us.

Though we can’t see Him, God knows everything going on in our lives. He is watching over each of us, ready to come to our aid. He wants to bring us strength, healing, peace, and every gift that we need. We are His children, so it is ok to ask God for help.  We need not be afraid!

“God, you know that I can’t do this alone. Please help me to walk in Your truth, love, and power. I place all my trust in You!”

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Together with God, we can do what we could never do alone!

Have a blessed sober and clean day.

Love to all,

Charity

Hi Everyone!

I have been a busy lady in the past few weeks and haven't been on recovery sites anywhere much.  I belong to about three of them now, more or less, and it is hard to balance that also.  I miss the old Sobercircle...I will have to admit...but things change and we have to change with them.

I have been editing a website and working on my own as well.  I am loving the learning curve and the feeling of doing something I can see results of my labors in.  The graphic comments that I have designed over the past two years will now be available for use from my website...for free...and that seems exciting to me.  My book will also be out there for sale.  I hope this is a start for me of building something that I can do regardless of the emotional disabilities I have.  Time will tell.

I miss you all and I may narrow down to just this site...however, it is a hard decision to make when people who don't belong here are active at other sites.  I miss all of my friends being on one website...we had it good then, I think!!

I am going to try to devote a bit of time to my sobriety sites each day and catch up more.  Balance...lol whew.  Never have had much of that and it is difficult to have it now.  I am trying to get more regulated to a daily schedule.  It is nice to not be having the PTSD episodes and to be up from depression enough to even be considering a schedule...miracles happen if you hang in there long enough!

Love to all,

Charity

Yesterday's thought from Hazelden was: Has it been a year of growth? As any year draws to a close, we should reflect on how we have grown in sobriety. We should also identify changes during the year that enabled us to overcome bad habits and to move closer to better patterns of living. Though we never are guaranteed favorable outcomes, we should always remember that sobriety is its own best reward. We want a full life, of course, but it must begin with a decision to seek and to maintain sobriety at all costs. We find that with sobriety, lots of other problems seem to solve themselves. Even if they don't, we have the tools to move forward and to achieve goals that always eluded us while we were drinking. Every year in sobriety is a year of growth. I'll be conscious today of recent improvements I've made in my life and all my affairs. With sobriety, these improvements will go on for a lifetime.

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Yes, it has been a year of definite growth for me.  Probably one of the biggest things is that I have learned to ask for, and receive help when I need it, instead of always being on the giving end.  It is blessed to give AND receive. 

I am taking better care of myself medically than I ever have before in sobriety.  I am also learning when to set boundaries, and in some cases, when to let go of defeating relationships.  There are times when higher fences are needed and I am coming to peace with that.  Not everyone is meant to be a close friend.  I am in better acceptance where all of that is concerned and less apt to take it all personally. 

I appreciate sobriety more with each passing moment.  I realize what a treasure it is and that I need to guard it with vigilence.  I have seen the result of what happens when people go back out and don't return.  I feel the warnings in all of that and I take my sobriety very seriously...treating it with respect.

Problems do seem to sort themselves out in time...as long as I stay sober and open to receiving answers from God.  I truly believe He never reveals anything He does not stand ready to heal.

I have dealt with a lot of core issues for the past two years and these seem to have pretty much come to a head and popped open this past few months.  Though the going was very painful and difficult through that...I am hugely grateful to have it be over and be in the 'clean-up' stage of things.  I feel a deep peace inside I have really not ever experienced to this degree.  I feel more at home in my own skin and better able to cope with day to day living because there is not so much suppressed garbage in my being.  The garbage is up and out....sorted and thrown away...and God is applying healing to the wounds.  I have a much deeper sense that I am going to be ok...that all is well...that things are on schedule in God's timetable for me.

I trust God more in the moment to moment living.  I have a deeper and more trusting relationship with Him because the junk is out of the way that kept me from seeing Him clearly.  I have dealt with the things about my earthly father and it has helped me to see and trust my Heavenly Father more and more and accept that He is someone I can trust my life to.   I know my Heavenly Father has good in mind for me and wants me to have a fulfilling life.  

I have recently become involved in what I consider to be a great opportunity to further myself in a way that also benefits others.  This was extended to me by someone in the fellowship, and I am very grateful.  I consider this a 'God link' in my life, and further evidence that God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself.

Lastly, I feel God has blessed me with wonderful, deep, lasting friendships that I treasure.  I am in awe of the blessings He is bringing into my life.  I have been crying 'happy tears' right along with a few of the sad ones mixed in...but the happy ones are outnumbering the sad.  God is good.  All the time. 

Love to all,

Charity

One of my meditations this morning was on forgiveness....here is the wording that really struck me as I read it:

God knows no one is perfect. That’s what Christmas is all about. Jesus was born so that he could repair our broken relationship with our heavenly Father, and he gives us the same power to repair our relationships with our earthly fathers. By calling on his Spirit, we can begin to forgive—if we just take it one day at a time!

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One of the most difficult tasks I have had to face in sobriety is that of forgiving.  I was raised in horrific abuse that came mostly from my father.  Yet, I grew up loving him as well as hating him.  A terribly mixed up relationship.  And I drew more terribly mixed up relationships into my life.  Love/hate relationships with further abuse.  

I no longer 'blame' my earthly father for his illness.  He had the disease of alcoholism and I also believe he was mentally ill.  He did not choose those any more than I have.  They were passed to him...along with the abuse...through the generations.  However, it has been my opportunity to learn a different way than my father ever knew.  I have AA and the steps...I don't have to repeat the cycle of alcoholism or of abuse.  The insanity has stopped.  

I have a good life today.  I have a good relationship with most of my family, and a host of wonderful friends.  I am blessed beyond anything my father ever knew.  

I can look back and feel sorrow for him now...for all the anguish he must have suffered.  A love/hate relationship with him is no longer required.  I can feel free just to love him now as the flawed human being he was.  He is no longer the monster who attacked me in the night, and expected adult things no child should ever have to endure.

I feel at peace with my past.  The horrible memories are up and out now, and they have been properly grieved.  

It has taken time to 'get over' what happened to me because it was truly never over.  Not until I knew what had happened...and what happened was stored away in the corners of my mind...not readily accessable to me.  All that crap in the corners kept me drunk for twenty years.  All the crap in the corners kept me on the edge of existence for twenty three more years in sobriety!  The deeper the pile of 'stuff' there is to sort...the slower the progress...I think.  I was buried in painful memories to excise.  

I feel like in the past few months my bondage from the past has been broken.  That process did not come without a great deal of pain, and the shedding of many tears.

However, that process did come!  God will never stop working with us...one day at a time...for however long it takes to heal.  

I am no longer upset that it took a while for me.  Slow and steady wins the race.  I have come to appreciate that saying a whole lot.  Monster memories can only be healed a bite at a time.  

Forgiveness...God has granted it to me.  I couldn't get there on my own...but with God all things are possible.  I am more whole every day.  I have more freedom with each passing moment. 

God is my father now, and I know I can never be disappointed in Him or abused by Him.  He has my best interest at heart.  

Forgiving my father is in my best interest.  He was a human being gone awry.  But he was a human being.  And he was very ill.  The effects to me were devastating...but it's all ok today.  I made it through the rain.  

Love to all,

Charity